Long ago and far away, in the Land of Stupid, King Hairball, who shot from the throat of a cat early one October morning, was planning to have a space program for his people. He hired an artist, who was also a homicidal maniac named Le Toadstool, to build a space ship.

After Le Toadstool had built the ship, King Hairball shot him and sent him to the hospital, just because he wanted to dial 9-1-1. After Le Toadstool got out of the hospital, King Hairball appointed him as captain of the Starship Stupid. As captain, he was able to choose a crew. He of course chose his friend the pickle and his cousin the mushroom.

After about five minutes of training, the crew blasted off to explore outer space. The Starship Stupid used fuel quickly, so they kept having to stop for gas. Anyway, after a few weeks of space travel, a big, fat, groady alien attacked the ship.

The crew dumped elephant repellant all over him, because they thought maybe he was a legless space elephant, but the elephant repellant just made him get bigger. Then he said, “Say, Sonny, give an old man a quarter?”

Captain Le Toadstool said, “No!” So, the alien left, and the crew went to a gas station and refueled. Then, on their way home, after their five-month mission, they launched a nuclear bomb on themselves just so they could use the escape pods, which fortunately worked. Unfortunately, there were only two pods, so the pickle and the mushroom left Le Toadstool floating in space—cussing like a number one sailor.

When the pickle and the mushroom landed, the king threw a party and said that if he ever sent them on another mission, it would be to find Le Toadstool.

And they lived strangely ever after.

The End