Not long ago and not far away, in a big city, Teddy Pig and his side-kick Beaver were flying around searching for criminals. It was very late at night at the time.

Beaver spotted something odd: a man sucking blood out of an old lady. He pointed it out to Teddy Pig, and the two of them went to investigate. As soon as the man saw them, he turned into a bat and flew away.

Teddy Pig and Beaver took the old lady to a hospital. The doctor looked closely at her and then put a wooden stake through her heart and sent her to the morgue. Beaver looked at the doctor and said, “Hey, man! What kind of operation was that!?”

The doctor said, “Well, she’s dead, and we’re out of toe tags.”

Later on, Teddy Pig and Beaver went to find the killer. He was going into a gas station. So the two heroes followed him. They followed him into the women’s restroom, where he wrote on the mirror:

For a good time,

call Count Bloodsucker

at 1-800-666

This is when Teddy Pig realized that the murderer was a vampire. Teddy Pig and Beaver could have plunged a wooden stake into his heart right there, but they were trying to cut down on violence. So they grabbed him, put his face in the toilet, and flushed it until he passed out. Then they flew him to a dentist and got his teeth pulled. Then, on their way to the police station, the sun came up, and Count Bloodsucker melted all over them. So they went home, took showers to get the slime off, and asked Teddy’s wife what was for breakfast. She said, “What do we always eat? Count Chocula!” And so they lived like pigs ever after.

The End