Long ago and far away, in the Land of Stupid,
it was Christmas time. The pickle and the mushroom’s elephant repellant sales were at their best. Everyone all over
the land was waiting for the arrival of Santa Claus.
Santa didn’t like going to the
Land of Stupid, because everyone there
had forgotten the true meaning of Christmas. Regardless, Santa had to go, because he knew that everyone there was too stupid
to remember a trivial thing like that.
The pickle and the mushroom invited
all of their friends to wait for Santa, because they were way too stupid to jump in bed and cover up their heads. One reason
they always looked forward to Santa’s annual visits was because everyone was always waiting to get presents, and no
one ever gave presents, so no one ever got anything except what Santa brought.
The pickle, the mushroom, and all
their friends, such as Le Toadstool, the Great Onion Witch of the North East, the Great Yucky Mud, the Honorable Judge Butterball,
and King Hairball, were all waiting around singing songs about getting presents. After a long wait, Santa finally got there.
He looked in disgust at the stupid crowd. He gave out elephant repellant and all sorts of things that these idiots enjoyed.
Just as he was about to leave, something
really scary happened! The grandmother of the big, bad pizza, Machine Gun Wilma, the coldest pizza in the Land
of Stupid, decided she hated Santa Claus. Everyone threw elephant repellant at
her. She drank it, because she was stupid. Then she held out a bomb and said, “If I don’t get Santa’s face
shot off, I’m gonna blow all of you away!”
Santa went willingly, prepared to
give his life for everyone there.
Then, like magic, it came back to
everyone. The true meaning of Christmas was to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, who gave his life to save everyone from
their sins. So, everyone gave their barrels of elephant repellant to Machine Gun Wilma. Then her heart warmed, and she began
to cry. She let Santa go, and everyone, even Machine Gun Wilma, began to sing. Not about getting presents, but about Jesus
Christ, and the Spirit of Christmas.
As Santa left in his sleigh, he said,
“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night, and may everyone live strangely ever after!”