Long ago and far away, in the Land of Stupid,
the pickle and the mushroom were bored. They couldn’t think of anything to do except go downtown and suck mustard out
of old people. So, that’s what they decided to do. They went up to this old man and started sucking on his bald spot,
but all they got was butter.
“Not just butter, but gourmet
popping-corn butter,” said the old man. They looked at him and saw that it was Orville Redenbacher!
They fell to their knees and started
worshipping him—calling him the geeky wonder. Soon, everyone was worshipping him, even King Hairball, the ruler of the
Land of Stupid, who shot from the throat of a cat early one October morning. Then Orville showed them a picture of his grandson.
They all kicked him out of the Land
of Stupid, because his grandson was an even bigger dweeb than he was. Then everything went back to its regular way in the
Land of Stupid. And everyone lived strangely ever after.